Is it a special kind of stupid that, unable to sleep, gets up at gone 2am to get other stuff done instead… but of course has to investigate if it’s mud or THAT (elusive) spider from the other night on the doormat… only to find it is indeed THAT spider, bigger than originally thought, thus freaking self out so much that the hoover has now been abandoned on said doormat… spiders can’t survive a suck up the tube can they?! 😱😭😰
Definitely special, right?! Other than organising myself for tomorrow and wrapping a Christmas present, my plans to avoid-screen-time – but encourage-sleep-time (instantly cancelled as I needed a torch to see around the rest of the house in case of more spiders.. 😰) were going to be getting the last of the bins and recycling emptied and out ready for the morning… however, access out of the front door is now abandoned until husband confirms spider is deceased…! Access out of the back door could definitely result in more spiders… so now I’m back to square-minus-1, as I’m now on the screen… convinced there are spiders all over me.. Genius. 🙄
Colouring it is then. (Lesley, if you’re reading this, I’ve now ordered a dot-to-dot…!)
Every so often I come up with a new “biggest regret” but right now, it’s accidentally disengaging from mental health services help. This mental health services help that seemed to help me so much initially, that seemed to be so quickly received. Because now, there is none…
Somerset Partnership Talking Therapies Service has a seemingly endless waiting list, my cautious approaches to private counselling and therapy have been met with “fully booked”, “no longer working privately” or, even simpler – just no response at all. And all alongside this, I’m making myself physically sick due to the inability to sleep, eat properly, make sense of what is whizzing around and around in my mind and I do not know where to go next or what to do. I know this can’t continue but I really, honestly cannot see an end. Not now, not soon, not ever.
I’ll admit, that I have been judging a book by its cover in my approaches for private therapy. On the BABCP register I have looked only for female therapists ~ because right now this is what feels right for me. I’ve looked barely at any qualifications or experience and looked more at their pictures; if they have none, they are automatically out of the running, if I don’t judge them to look familiarly friendly then once more I’ve deemed them unsuitable for me. This obviously narrows down my options but it’s got to work for me, I’ve got to feel comfortable, safe and secure in who I seek help from. That’s important when dealing with mental health, for me anyway.
How have our services got this bad? How has our mental health become so out of control that there is quite literally no help left?