N U M B E R S

Numbers.
Somebody said it to me recently “yeah – you’ve got a thing about numbers haven’t you?” 

I’m more obsessive about them than I realise. I guess like some form of OCD except most of the numbers I’m obsessive about are out of my control… I don’t think it’s coincidence that I “fell” into merchandising and loving that career working with numbers.. magic numbers..

From the magic number “4” children that I’ve always dreamed of, to that I said I was going to start trying for them at magic number “26” and at latest I’d have fallen pregnant, finally, by magic number “27” and at least be on magic number “2”{nd} baby by now.. not the not-so-magic zero at nearly not-at-all-magic “30”..
I discovered that my phone auto tracks mileage I am walking or running.. so whilst I don’t specifically set out to record my every movement, while my phone is in my pocket, it does it for me.. and I’ve noticed that I am somewhat obsessive about keeping that mileage number high.. magic number “8” (but really “9”) in this case is my ideal minimum mileage for each day.. but I don’t think it’s healthy that I think like this. I track my runs via Strava, but stopped using things like Nike fuel, myfitnesspal and have always avoided Fitbit due to my obsessive nature with keeping movement high and calorie intake low, lower, lower.. Writing this means I am beginning to remember a time where I was so obsessive to “beat” the tracker that I even weighed out salad before I ate it.. avoiding these things had worked until I discovered this little gem where I track my mileage simply by carrying my phone (which I pretty much always do, and boy am I annoyed when I nip out for even the briefest nighttime dog wee-walk and leave my phone at home.. tracking nothing..) and whilst I don’t track my calories.. I’m careful what I’m eating in a desperate bid to see my weight go back down {even though it isn’t budging}, whilst keeping an ever watchful eye on how many miles I’m putting in each day (even if just walking).. most days I realise that I am walking the dog more for me than for him! And I think it’s another reason I’ve not minded being at the hospital so often.. as the walk up from where I park adds another good (magic!) 1.5miles!!
I don’t really know how to put a stop on this “number crisis”; it definitely controls me more than I’d like and even though some of the numbers no longer make any sense, the fact that they’ve passed without their original dreams arriving with them, leaves me constantly feeling at crisis point and like I’m “behind”. I’ll never be able to catch up..
Nevertheless, I was surprised to see this number the other day! I guess it all mounts up without you realising.. 5 miles run, 9 miles walked.. ☺️

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