IUI. Cancelled.

IUI Cancelled ❌
I am gutted.

In all of my being open and honest and talking (because it helps & because none of us are alone in this world) about all of this – never in my wildest dreams (& they get pretty insane…!) did I think I would be posting this message, of all messages.. it was literally the absolute last message I expected to be telling anyone.

I really, honestly believed this was the time. So many little signs and signals, marathon done, dusted and achieved. It felt like it was right. Now was our time. We were undergoing treatment and definitely going to conceive this time..

I more or less hyper-stimulated. Not so badly that I’m in danger or pain. But enough to have to cancel the treatment cycle. Instead of the maximum 3 follicles of a decent size, I had 5 ranging from 12-17mm (& increasing), alongside tonnes of smaller ones also still growing. I’m gobsmacked. I have been using the same medication (gonal-f) on the exact same dosage for seven cycles now and whilst I always reacted pretty well and quickly, I never had this many larger follicles at once.. I don’t understand how or why. Every women can react differently on every cycle – but previously I’ve been pretty steadily similar! I am just lost for words. I’ve somehow barely even managed any tears (I suspect that’s the citalopram?!), and somehow I am yet to have a hug from anyone. And I really need a hug. I’ve had a couple of hugs wrapped up in text messages from lovely lovely supportive friends, but I could really do with the real deal now. I’m looking forward to James getting home, and mum and dad arriving tomorrow. Big thank you to Lesley at upholstery class as well taking some extra time to listen (again) and join in my being gutted! I am so, so glad I hadn’t quite given up running; as now I just want to run and run – and I wonder how much further I would have hyper-stimulated had I not carried on.

For those that don’t understand all this {because unless you’re some kind of fertility expert/going through this yourself, you’ll have about as much clue as I did (J is still often playing catch up to understand!) when we started this process 18ish months ago} – 5 follicles means 5 eggs. Ideal size is 18-20mm before ovulation & turkey basting {insemination!} process would then be given the go ahead. If they allowed me to continue with 5 (& who knows if the others would also keep growing; likely) and then ovulate, and be inseminated – that could mean 5 fertilised eggs. 5 babies at once. And that’s if none of those eggs then split… I’ve always dreamed of [identical – I’m obsessed!] twins, I’ve always wanted 4 children, but 5 babies at once is just too risky to their health. That’s why the cycle is cancelled. In regards to the running – on the cycle where I did my first long marathon training run, progress slowed/stopped over the weekend I did that run, suggesting running hinders follicle growth.. I suspect OHSS (Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome) would be a lot worse …

As is tradition, I now just want to avoid food and move more. You’ll find me running. Thank god for running (and Bec, don’t worry, I’m eating anyway). The extra irony being that I was quite looking forward to a (minimum) little break from running during the tww.. πŸ˜’


4 thoughts on “IUI. Cancelled.

  1. On a good day, I’m sure you know you’re tough but today wasn’t such a good day. So for now, this is me reminding you that you’re stronger and tougher than you realise. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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