Therapy.. and why I’m done

Throughout our IUI/IVF TTC/Fertility journey, we (in particular, me) were encouraged several times – well meaningly – by some of our lovely nurses to see the therapist. And every time I refused. I just do not see the point.

Yes, I was often a crying mess. Frankly, I’m not sure I know many couples where at least one of them is not a crying mess to have gone through/be going through the hell that is infertility. But;

No therapist in the world was going to make me pregnant.

No therapist in the world is going to change my mindset. In my opinion, therapists help but no one can change you.

At the points in which I underwent counselling, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and CAT (Cognitive Analytical Therapy), I was just learning to talk about these things. These feelings and emotions and behaviours that had essentially been locked up for most of my life – ALL of my adult life! I had bottled them all up for so long that they caused huge breakdowns in me, and so talking to a therapist felt like the only option. At that point I couldn’t have discussed some of those things with anyone, and the leading questions you are offered from a mental-health trained therapist to get you talking are next to nothing expert level! At that point in my life, that’s what I needed. But now I’ve learnt to talk, and write openly. To not be ashamed or scared of what my mind is telling me. It’s still not always easy but I can discuss things far easier now with those around me, than ever before. But often because, everything I’ve been through is quite open, so everyone knows. Everyone else is now almost-expert at leading questions/being open and accepting of discussing subjects that may not have been discussed before! I’m definitely a pretty open book now – nothing is off limits for discussion here!

Don’t get me wrong, my therapists were great. And some time in the future I may need therapy again. But I’m quite picky about what I need from a therapist and wouldn’t just stick with anyone if it wasn’t right for me. But right now, I’m back to Karen. I’m pretty good at talking to anyone and everyone about anything and everything, so therapy is just not needed here. The question of “will our baby have a severely mentally ill mum?” Has crossed my mind. But for now, I’m good. I’m not worried about post-natal depression, but I know if it happens that support is out there.

A favourite extract from Matt Haig’s “How to Stop Time”. ❀️

Become – Anti Flush Tank Top

This is one mostly for the ladies – sorry guys! But feel free to read on as you may be able to help a wonderful lady in your life!

At 30, I am, fortunately (!), not menopausal. Although, having tried it myself now. I don’t think this brand should just be marketed for women going through the menopause.

Become is a brand producing tank tops and underwear to help regulate body temperature for those suffering with hot flushes – be it due to the menopause, pregnancy, or just part of your genetic makeup that occasionally you suffer from the odd hot flush. I’d pop myself in the last category, and I often find it embarrassing, especially given I am physically one of the coldest people on the planet – often even running in several layers in the winter months!!

Typically, in the last few days I’ve been wearing the Become tank top, I can’t say I’ve noticed any specific hot flushes (if I’d had this just a month earlier whilst still on all the IVF meds and fun that comes with it, it’d have been ideal!) mind you, it is absolutely baltic at the moment isn’t it!! β˜ƒοΈ

However, in the few days I have been trying out the tank top I have (albeit rarely 😴!) been walking the dog all layered up – and this is a classic example of where I suddenly get flushed and sweaty – because the second I step inside somewhere warm having been wrapped up in several layers against the cold outside I get HOT πŸ€’. But…. not so much wearing the become tank top! I genuinely noticed a difference in not feeling so sweaty after stepping indoors, and I also didn’t then get super freezing cold shortly after from clammy, sweaty clothing still on me. My only downside was that my armpits/arms weren’t also covered and, given your armpits are quite a key sweating point, I could have done with a bit more “support” as such there as well… maybe a t-shirt/long sleeve will be introduced in the future. I also feel like bra options could and should be available in this – after all, pants are! I’ve worn the tank top both with a bra and braless – but neither way prevented that feeling of “under-boob-sweat” because the top isn’t fitted directly underneath your bust there.

I am a sucker for cute packaging!My Pros

  • Cute packaging
  • Bargain price with my discount code TALKTOMUMSKAREN (until 15/01/18)
  • super soft feel
  • Fits well (aside from below con)
  • works and I’m not menopausal!

My Cons (have fed these back to the company!)

  • Doesn’t come in a T-Shirt or long-sleeved option! πŸ‘š
  • Inside packaging (alongside the brand in general) advertises for menopausal women, which is quite a niche/specific market, when really it suits much more than this
  • Size Small fitted well on me, although felt a bit short which I dislike
  • Lack of “support” under bust – bra option needed!

If you’d like to give Become a try, I have a special 20% discount code available until January 15th 2018, just use TALKTOMUMSKAREN at the online checkout https://www.webecome.co.uk. Delivery is free and surprisingly and unexpectedly quick! I know it is January but this brand doesn’t often offer discounts, I honestly don’t think Β£31.20 is too bad a price especially for the benefits!

Below is a lot of links and videos etc.

If you want to learn more about the product, see more images etc then please visit – https://www.talktomums.co.uk/hot-women-cool-solution/ Product Benefits;

1. Works with world renowned active wear, intimate wear and swim wear brands

2. Regulates your body temperature

3. Wicks moisture away from the body

4. Reduces odour

5. Silky smooth material

6. 18 months product research with Hohenstein Institute

7. Uses flat yarns to draw the moisture away from the skin and evaporate it

Videos

Why use this product – https://youtu.be/NDZiaHiIR-s, What is the product – https://youtu.be/M4JGkD8ISjk, How does it work – https://youtu.be/EKx2FahG5iQ Xxx

Re-home Benji!

Benji 🐢

Meet Benji!

I volunteer dog walk for The Cinnamon Trust who help out with pets when their owners who are generally old/terminally ill can no longer look after them so well, aka: walk dogs. 

I used to walk Benji 🐢 on just a Monday, but found out this week the other two volunteers had stopped because he was too “boisterous”.

πŸ™„πŸ˜ πŸ˜«. He is not boisterous. 

He’s 2/3 years young and barely getting walked because his mum is terminally ill. He just wants to walk and smell and play with ALL the other dogs, because THAT’S WHAT DOGS DO. My heart absolutely broke πŸ’” for him when I realised this, so I’m going to now try and walk him every day until he is rehomed. Fortunately, he lives pretty close to us! Apparently he is exhausted and much better behaved once he gets home from a walk – proof you just need to keep your little fur babies knackered and their behaviour improves! His Mum’s two daughters are so grateful for me doing this simple thing to help whilst their Mum is very ill – I walk him with Rufus anyway – I have this real need to help others – and this is such a simple way of doing so. I don’t understand how you could stop helping when so badly needed.

Would anyone like Benji to join their family?!

Camera shy Benji!

There is no help

Every so often I come up with a new “biggest regret” but right now, it’s accidentally disengaging from mental health services help. This mental health services help that seemed to help me so much initially, that seemed to be so quickly received. Because now, there is none… 

Somerset Partnership Talking Therapies Service has a seemingly endless waiting list, my cautious approaches to private counselling and therapy have been met with “fully booked”, “no longer working privately” or, even simpler – just no response at all. And all alongside this, I’m making myself physically sick due to the inability to sleep, eat properly, make sense of what is whizzing around and around in my mind and I do not know where to go next or what to do. I know this can’t continue but I really, honestly cannot see an end. Not now, not soon, not ever.

I’ll admit, that I have been judging a book by its cover in my approaches for private therapy. On the BABCP register I have looked only for female therapists ~ because right now this is what feels right for me. I’ve looked barely at any qualifications or experience and looked more at their pictures; if they have none, they are automatically out of the running, if I don’t judge them to look familiarly friendly then once more I’ve deemed them unsuitable for me. This obviously narrows down my options but it’s got to work for me, I’ve got to feel comfortable, safe and secure in who I seek help from. That’s important when dealing with mental health, for me anyway.

How have our services got this bad? How has our mental health become so out of control that there is quite literally no help left?